I felt anxious when the staff gave us back our phones. We were going home tomorrow, but I wasn’t sure I was ready. Onsite’s Living Centered Workshop helped me unravel the twines of trauma that kept me anchored in the past. For the first time in forty-three years, I had a diagnosis for why my life was repeatedly misfiring.
Cumberland Furnace, TN, became one of the safest places on earth, but I wasn’t sure my new tools would stand up to the test of my real life.
I called my wife, and she was gracious. She’d been through the Milestones program, so she knew what I was facing. I told her I was sorry for everything. “I was wrong. I didn’t know then what I know now”.
And so the journey began to re-engage my life, relationships, work, habits, and medicators (an Onsite term for the things we use to cope with life, e.g., alcohol), but now with a deep awareness of my path towards the life, I wanted.
Two-degree shift
During the closing session, the Onsite team invited us to embrace one primary objective, to move forward with a series of two-degree shifts, and that we would find ourselves at our desired destination over time.
The temptation is to leave and start ejecting and blowing up parts of our lives. In reality, for most of us, our lives don’t require 90 degrees hard right turns, but instead a constant steady shift in increments of one to two degrees.
I later learned that for an airline pilot flying from LA to Hawaii, two degrees is the difference between arriving in Hawaii or missing the islands by 80 miles. Post Onsite I now know that I want a safe-on time-arrival at my life’s desired destination. I’m tired of feeling lost at sea, out of gas, and in a tailspin.
At first, even this subtle, constant question seemed impossible “What’s the two-degree shift now?”. Upon returning home, I remember how unpracticed I felt. I remember feeling like there were two different voices inside of me, two versions of myself that I could choose to enroll in every conversation and every situation.
My Choices: Two Options
Option 1: Listen to the self-assured guy I knew well (me coming into the program). He was well-practiced and sophisticated at doing life, getting stuff done, and not needing anything from anybody. His approach to life backfired, and he helped me (that part of myself) earn my lucky golden ticket to LCP (Living Centered Program).
Option two was this new guy, Mr. Two Degrees, that I loved. We knew each other a long time ago, and we reconnected at Onsite. He was happy, calm, and settled. He didn’t care much about outcomes or control; he cared more about being true to himself. His voice was a lot softer at first and sometimes harder to hear.
My new strategy for living
I began building in moments of pause to give myself a second to listen and give Mr. Two Degrees a chance to speak before I respond in a conversation or when making decisions,
Hey, Two Degrees, what do you think we should do here?
When I arrived at Onsite, I was 80 miles from shore, lost at sea, and nearing a tailspin. Two years later, life isn’t perfect, but I’m arriving more frequently at my desired destination with fuel in my tank and with the people I love at my side.
Check out our Reboot Your Life Experiential Workshop on October 13-15, 2018 Colorado Springs. Sign up details available here.
Donald Miller’s book, Scary Close: dropping the act and finding true intimacy, is based on his experience at Onsite’s Living Centered program.
*Post originally written in 2017 about my experience at Onsite in 2015.
